One More

It has been just a few days
Feels like so long
No drops shed
Feels like a sea
There is nothing that I can see
But feels like something deep
Something stuck inside
And I feel like pulling it out
But I can’t see
From where it comes out!
It is so heavy that I wonder
I wonder how I am carrying it!
The air is so fresh and fragrant
But I wonder why I can’t breathe!
There are smiles all around
But I wonder
I wonder why
It takes so much of effort
To add one more!
I wonder how simple
It is to add one more
But still so impossible
To achieve one more!

I want to fall some more....

The vacant dull feeling!
What do I do?
The ache deep inside!
What do I do?
The blurred wet eyes
see what is not!
Here I am stuck again
between passion and pain.
Life goes on and
I see no end.
I sink somewhere deep
in a dark, deep and dangerous sea.
I fall and fall from
heights not known
and float in midst
of a place unknown.
I feel the wind and
feel the chill.
I close my eyes
and feel the fall.
I still want to fall
and fall more deep.
I want to see the end
an unknown deep end!
I want my life
and want it no more
and some more
and no more.
I want to fall some more...

Secrets

There are no Secrets....
With unspoken words
And no words written
How is it that
There are no secrets!
I hide them here
And sometimes there
But How is it that
There are no secrets!
Hours of silence
And wandering eyes
Then How is it that
There are no secrets!
I wash my face to Camouflage
That salty water
Still How is it that
There are no secrets!
The secrets spill
From silence and noise
And water and salt
And the choking voice....
There are no Secrets!

THE UMBRELLA DAYS

A red one and a black one
Here they catch my attention.
The black one covering the red one
Almost covering under its shade.
The red one and the black one
Walk together again.
With the roads so wet
And the rains so pretty
They take the steps together again
The red one and the black one.
With the mountains surround
I look around
The green so beautiful
And dripping all around
I see the red one
And the black one.
The beautiful sky
All gray around
I hear some thundering sound
I catch the sun
Just peeping around
The light just scattered
With gray and white surround.
I smile,
At the hide and seek
And wonder at all the colours around!
And again I see
The red one and the black one
Walking hand in hand.
I look up the sky
To see the hole
To look for something
To hold the rain.
And I feel the drops
Gentle drops on my face
They kiss my eyes
My face and my lips
They drench my soul
And wash it through and through.
I no more feel
To stop the rain.
I see the red one
And the black one
Walking down the rain
And I etch this day
In my memory forever
As one of the days of
THE UMBRELLA DAYS…

Guilt

Why do I carry
So much of weight
Weight of Guilt?
If it isn’t Guilt,
Then I wonder
What it is!
Guilt of doing
What I want!
I just can’t do
Without doing
What I want!
Every step
Is so painful,
Every step
I know
Is crushing someone.
Yet I can’t
Stand still
For someone.
Someone who
Had been my life!
I can’t stand still
For that someone!
I step in the puddles
Puddles of tears
Tears of that someone
And I move on!
Every step
Is so painful.
It hurts
As I shed
My own tears
In those puddles
Puddles of tears,
My tears of apology
My tears of guilt
But darling!
I just can’t stop!
I am sorry.
I will always
Carry the pain
The pain of guilt
But I will move on
I know it will
Get heavier
With every step
That I take
But I have to move on
Move on to be myself,
To do what I
Believe in.
On the way I find
Guilts,
Guilts of my deeds
Guilts of other’s deeds
Guilts of no one’s deeds.
How does it feel
To move on
Seeing someone
In pain.
My blood in pain
For no one’s deed!
I see my blood
Helpless and pleading
I carry this guilt
The guilt of moving on.
I know I can’t
Help my own blood.
I accept life
Its pain and joy.
I move on
With the guilt
Of accepting
The pain
The pain of Life
For others!
I move on
With the guilt
Of accepting
The joy
The joy of life
For myself!
But I can’t stop!
I just can’t stop!

Why can’t it be just different than usual?

I have to close my eyes
Every night.
And do it every night.
Why can’t I keep them open
And sleep and dream
Every second?
I have to do everything
Right every time.
And do it all the time.
Why can’t I do things
Wrong and have no cries
And guilts for every one?

Scared

First time in my life
I am scared!
Scared in a way,
I have never been before!
First time I think,
What if…
First time in my life
My hands are shaky!
Shaky in a way,
They have never been before!
First time I feel,
What if…
This is so weird,
To feel this way.
I have never been
On the other side before!
And I am scared.