Why do I carry
So much of weight
Weight of Guilt?
If it isn’t Guilt,
Then I wonder
What it is!
Guilt of doing
What I want!
I just can’t do
Without doing
What I want!
Every step
Is so painful,
Every step
I know
Is crushing someone.
Yet I can’t
Stand still
For someone.
Someone who
Had been my life!
I can’t stand still
For that someone!
I step in the puddles
Puddles of tears
Tears of that someone
And I move on!
Every step
Is so painful.
It hurts
As I shed
My own tears
In those puddles
Puddles of tears,
My tears of apology
My tears of guilt
But darling!
I just can’t stop!
I am sorry.
I will always
Carry the pain
The pain of guilt
But I will move on
I know it will
Get heavier
With every step
That I take
But I have to move on
Move on to be myself,
To do what I
Believe in.
On the way I find
Guilts,
Guilts of my deeds
Guilts of other’s deeds
Guilts of no one’s deeds.
How does it feel
To move on
Seeing someone
In pain.
My blood in pain
For no one’s deed!
I see my blood
Helpless and pleading
I carry this guilt
The guilt of moving on.
I know I can’t
Help my own blood.
I accept life
Its pain and joy.
I move on
With the guilt
Of accepting
The pain
The pain of Life
For others!
I move on
With the guilt
Of accepting
The joy
The joy of life
For myself!
But I can’t stop!
I just can’t stop!
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Frank and sad :(
ReplyDeleteIt seems you dont lie while writing.. anyone who reads this would have to have some context to understand what exactly you're talking about here.. but then again I suspect it would be something very personal and not something which one shares on the 'net anyways.
Dont let guilt weigh you down at all ... just do what you gotta do..
True i didn't lie....i almost never lie while writing and also that applies mostly to speaking too. hey don't worry....it is dat i dont think i have done nething wrong....but i have dis thing in my nature to feel bad n guilt if some1 feels bad bcoz of me, if some1 is in pain coz of me or some1 whom i love is in pain but i cant help dem. daz wat sometimes disturbs me but dont worry it will never weigh me down as my conscience is clear :)
ReplyDeletedon't u find dat stupid? me feeling sad n a little of guilt even forsome who is very sick or dying where der isn't ne fault of mine! jas coz i m healthy n not suffering and i thank god for dat, i feel d guilt. daz strange!
yeah d poems r supposed to not reveal everything ;) it can be interpreted in many ways n daz how dey r supposed to b. if i had been writing a narrative the story wud have been very clear, but probably u r rite that i will not publish it on net till i decide to write an autobiography. I bet it is gonna be a complete masala hollywood movie ;)
its not strange.. You feel sad at seeing sad things. the ability to empathize is one of the core values we human beings have.. one should not feel feel sorry for being human.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am doubtful about the hollywood masala movie.. might be a bollywood love story types though :)
ahh...if u relate hollywood masala only to dat dhishum dhishum den daz not wat i m talking abt :) i thought toooooooooo many love ( not even sure of dat ;) ) stories is more like hollywood dan bollywood...as bollywood still carries some typical indian sentiments :)
ReplyDeleteNice poem Vats...the more I read ur stuff...feels like some part of me....I connect so easily.
ReplyDeleteI feel bad too if I hurt someone bcos sometimes we just have to....sadly true...
read this poem I wrote...u will know what I mean
http://satyakadarshan.blogspot.com/2007/07/broken-promises.html
:)