Guilt

Why do I carry
So much of weight
Weight of Guilt?
If it isn’t Guilt,
Then I wonder
What it is!
Guilt of doing
What I want!
I just can’t do
Without doing
What I want!
Every step
Is so painful,
Every step
I know
Is crushing someone.
Yet I can’t
Stand still
For someone.
Someone who
Had been my life!
I can’t stand still
For that someone!
I step in the puddles
Puddles of tears
Tears of that someone
And I move on!
Every step
Is so painful.
It hurts
As I shed
My own tears
In those puddles
Puddles of tears,
My tears of apology
My tears of guilt
But darling!
I just can’t stop!
I am sorry.
I will always
Carry the pain
The pain of guilt
But I will move on
I know it will
Get heavier
With every step
That I take
But I have to move on
Move on to be myself,
To do what I
Believe in.
On the way I find
Guilts,
Guilts of my deeds
Guilts of other’s deeds
Guilts of no one’s deeds.
How does it feel
To move on
Seeing someone
In pain.
My blood in pain
For no one’s deed!
I see my blood
Helpless and pleading
I carry this guilt
The guilt of moving on.
I know I can’t
Help my own blood.
I accept life
Its pain and joy.
I move on
With the guilt
Of accepting
The pain
The pain of Life
For others!
I move on
With the guilt
Of accepting
The joy
The joy of life
For myself!
But I can’t stop!
I just can’t stop!

Why can’t it be just different than usual?

I have to close my eyes
Every night.
And do it every night.
Why can’t I keep them open
And sleep and dream
Every second?
I have to do everything
Right every time.
And do it all the time.
Why can’t I do things
Wrong and have no cries
And guilts for every one?

Scared

First time in my life
I am scared!
Scared in a way,
I have never been before!
First time I think,
What if…
First time in my life
My hands are shaky!
Shaky in a way,
They have never been before!
First time I feel,
What if…
This is so weird,
To feel this way.
I have never been
On the other side before!
And I am scared.

The beautiful Morning

The gentle breeze
It touched me so softly
And a song so soft
Carressed me back
To the morning.
The new day has begun
And I step out in the world.
The world outside,
Drenched with rain
And fragrances of heaven.
I stepped in that heaven,
With green beauty in my eyes
And the gentle tickle
Of the drizzle
Is all I remember.
I still want it some more.
The beauty of this new day
Is captured in all my senses.
I open my arms
And welcome the
New morning.
A new morning which
Is so beautiful
As one of the
Best of all mornings
In this new city.
The city to whom
I am a stranger.
The city where
I came with dreams
So beautiful.
But this new morning
Showed me the beauty
Of this new city to me.

The Cold Sweetness

Once again we are
there,
The same place
I remember!
I hope that you too
remember!
With the taste of the same
Cold Sweetness melting
On our tongues,
I wonder if you
Too remember the same!
I remember them
with certain fondness
and wonder if you too
do the same!
Sometimes I see a
glimpse of something
and wonder if it’s the same!
The smile that hides
A million secrets
Unlike mine says nothing.
Yet I wonder the meaning
Of each bubble of smile
And wonder if it’s the same!
I collate the moments
To put them in my drawer
To remember and cherish
All the wonderings that
I did today
And have been doing.
Some day if I am lucky
I’ll know what you mean
But I wonder how
It will feel
To miss all the wonderings
That I cherish!
When your doors are open
And you close them so soon,
I dare not enter too far
For I may not
Be able to come back.
As you close them so soon
That I fear
to get trapped.
At times I fear that trap!
One day if
I am brave enough,
I will enter
Inside through
the door
And will not fear
It close.
Will see you all
From inside
Cause right now
I just get a glimpse
From the doors
So little open!